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"Ewww, your breath smells like cheese!" Natalie, 7/13/04
"Ha, ha, ha. I point and laugh." ~Me, 5/20/04
Savannah: "Let me fix my staples."
Mike: "That's not something you hear every day." ~5/20/04
"Fork it over, toots. Or would you prefer 'hot stuff'?" ~Matt B., 5/6/04
"Savannah, that was a very drunk comment." ~Me, 5/5/04
"Cinco de Mayo: The Fifth of Mayonnaise!" ~Michael, 5/5/04
"Your mom. In bed." ~Chase
"Ever heard of lesbians?" ~Ms. Fowler
"I've come undone!" ~Savannah
"That was very pathetic, Ben." ~Savannah, 4/23/04
"I was a hooker yesterday." ~Me, 4/20/04
"There is some definite sexism going on there." ~Chase
"The wrath of Savannah is on your phone~" ~Savannah, 4/20/04
"Are you saying that due to lack of sleep, I look stoned?" ~Ben
"I feel like fixing zippers." ~Savannah, 4/16/04
"Since when do zippers have locks?" ~Savannah (or Matt), 4/16/04
"The river-god of death!" ~Me
"Clingy? You make him sound like lint." ~Ben, 4/16/04
Michael H.: "Ben, omigod, you just smeared my visor!"
Michael S.: "Wow, you don't hear that every day!" 4/16/04
"Face-eating is acceptable. Killing is out of the question." ~Savannah, 4/15/04
"All the gods are carnivorous." ~Colin C., 4/15/04
"Well, no-one's gonna kiss you, Claire!" ~Kelly, 4/6/04
Ben: "Thank you, Savannah."
Savannah: "You're welcome. It was fungus."
~4/13/04, after Savannah has just thrown a mushroom from her pizza at Ben
"Chase, stop making out with your Cadbury egg!" ~Michael, 4/13/04
"Why do you mock me so?" ~Me, 4/13/02
"So we have a Christmas tradition based on a poisonous, parasitic plant?" ~Me, re: mistletoe
"Sugar and caffeine: a deadly combination." ~Ben, 4/12/04
"Wow, you said stride and stature in the same sentence." ~Michael to Savannah, 4/12/04
"It's like a voodoo doll, except better!" ~Michael
"I didn't realize grown men said yippee." ~Chase, 2/15/04
"Don't get high on me, tell me what's gonna happen!" ~Me, 3/12/04
"If you gave a dog a Coke, would it drink it?" ~Savannah 3/12/04
"Screw the US! Scotland all the way!" ~Anonymous, cause the person is afraid the government will track him down
and silence him, 3/15/04
"What are you licking?" ~Me, 2/26/04
"Let us reflect." ~Me, 3/13/04
"Claire, I heart you like whoa." ~Laura F., 3/13/04
"That was quote-worthy." ~Savannah, 3/12/04
"So do you want to hear my theory on vomit-propelled cats?" ~Laura, 3/12/04
Mr. Calohan: "You're intelligent, and I embrace intelligent people."
Me: "But you just hit me on the head with a pencil!" ~3/12/04
Nevall: "Try to fail gracefully. Like a 59."
Ben: "That's not gracefully. That's just annoying." ~3/12/04
"Talk about nerds!" ~Ben, 3/12/04
"I just said chop." ~Matt, 3/12/04
"They're bouncy flouncy pouncy trouncy, fun fun fun fun fun!" ~Ben, 3/12/04
"It's called social manners. You don't wipe your feet on people." ~Mr. Newberry, 3/12/04
"I cry for you, Claire. Every single day." ~Doug, 3/12/04
"Yeah, Trevor's a cutie." ~Thomas, 3/12/04
"It's over, it's done, I quit!" ~Savannah, 3/12/04
"Does that look like a happy book to you?" ~Chase, 3/12/04
"Katie, imaginary friends do not count." ~Angela, 3/12/04
"Filet mignon is the Albert Einstein of the culinary world." ~Josh, 3/11/04
Me: "You should have seen my hair yesterday --"
Josh: "I did." ~3/11/04
Savannah: "You sound like a horse on crack."
Michael: "Have you ever met a horse on crack?"
Savannah: "I guess I have. His name is Mr. Ed." 3/11/04
"I like cheese. It goes well with my whine." ~Amanda, 3/11/04
"So what? Lettuce is stupid too!" ~Me, 3/11/04
Michael: "If we give it to you and it's perfect the first time, will we get a treat or something?"
Savannah and Me in unison: "It's not going to happen!" 1/21/04
"I feel happy and fulfilled." ~Josh
"This is a poof. All self-respecting Eskimos have a poof." ~Josh, 3/11/04
"We hate you. Collectively." ~Ben, 3/4/04
"I wish I was popular." ~Colin, 3/4/04
"Look at the pretty heart. It's made of brains." ~Kelsie, 3/4/04
"I'm killing my feet." ~Savannah, 3/4/04
"I have sand in my ears!" ~Michael, 3/3/04
"I need a drink." ~Mrs. Hazard, 3/3/04
"I shoot doves all the time." ~Michael, 3/1/04
"Holy cracker!" ~Alex R.
"Claire makes noise." ~Josh
"I got eaten by a giant fungus last night." ~Ben, 2/27/04
"I got molested by a doll a couple nights ago!" ~Savannah, 2/27/04
"So I'm a lesbian Eskimo with AIDS who drinks, smokes, and does drugs?" ~Me, 2/24/04
"Claire is a Nazi." ~Rebecka
"Claire is a monster." ~Savannah
"You don't want to date my sister, she's a retard!" ~Chase, 2/10/04
"Does peanut butter have a higher I.Q. than, say, cheese?" ~Me, 2/13/04
"When it comes down to it, mayonnaise is pretty stupid." ~Josh, 2/13/04 (in a discussion over the I.Q. of certain
foods)
"What, you have a problem with hosiery?" ~Ben, 2/10/04
"That was a joyful leap." ~Me, 2/4/04
"This is evil." ~Ben, 2/4/04
"I like tigers. They're big and furry." ~Ben, 1/27/04
"Oh, come on. You've never seen Jello lean?" ~Matt, involved in an argument on whether or not Jello is a solid;
1/22/04
"I make noise." ~Me
"They have Lincoln in a toga." ~Amy-Lee, 1/15/04
Rebecka: "Colin's art is sort of like Salvador Dali meets Edgar Allen poe."
Me (from across the room): "What? The Dalai Lama meets Marylin Monroe?" 1/8/04
"You flashed me." ~Ben, 10/13/03
"They're a trip." ~Mrs. Hazard, talking about us to our substitute
"It's really hard to write like a girl!" ~Mike after finishing a Latin assignment in which we had to write a letter
to Aeneas from Dido, 10/6/03
"I like hot stuff." ~Ben, 10/6/03
"Can I borrow your Prosac?" ~Someone to Mrs. Hazard, 10/1/03
"You're not going to stick it to your tongue, are you?" ~Ben, after Alex has asked him for a 9-volt battery; 9/24/03
"Hello, that's my toe." ~Jack, 9/24/03
"Mrs. Hazard, are you trying to seduce me?" ~Jack
"I'm just playing with your clothes, Jack." ~Mrs. Hazard, 9/22/03
(IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!)
"Give us our homework and dress me up!" ~Jack
"Sit down. Not everybody gets to get dressed." ~Mrs. Hazard, 9/22/03
"Where's Alex?" ~Michael
"He went back to Korea." ~Trevor
"Dang it, he took my homework with him!" ~Michael, 9/22/03
"Wow, that's a travesty." ~Colin C.
"Check, Jack, check. Figure figures." ~Mrs. Hazard, 9/19/03
"Don't write on Alex in black Expo. It won't show up." ~Savannah, 9/19/03
"Do tell . . . I just said 'Do tell.'" ~Michael, 9/16/03
"Colin, you look like a flamingo." ~Me, 9/24/03
"mei sub ubi est in flamma." ~Savannah (Translation: My underwear is on fire.) 9/12/03
"What does the 'E' stand for in Chuck E. Cheese? Eugene? Euphemism? Eats?" ~Everybody, 9/12/03
"I'll make some more after my bananas are ripe." ~Ben, re: banana bread; 9/12/03
"If a seagull eats KFC, is it canniballism?" ~Chase
"Claire is a man." ~Savannah, 9/11/03
"Claire is a pretty piece of flesh." ~Chase
"Why do you always make fun of me?" ~Savannah
"Because you're small and it's fun." ~Michael
"Quit flinging the sticky everywhere!" ~Mrs. Hazard, 9/10/03
"I see a tricolon of commas." ~Jack
"Claire, Claire, you're so fair,
You're so fair, you make me stare!" ~Jack, 9/5/03
"I am evil." ~Ben, 9/5/03
"You're going to kill me with an Expo?" ~Jack, 9/4/03
"The HUMPBACK of NOTRE DAME: there's a whale in the tower!" ~Jack, 9/4/03
"You're giving me a reason to go into therapy!" ~Mrs. Hazard
"I didn't do it!" ~Jack, talking about the homework, 9/2/03
"Oh, yeah, twelve o'clock at night, CLEAN YOUR ROOM!!" ~John, talking about his parents trying to get him to clean
his room at midnight
"The world is hysterical!" ~Mrs. Hazard, trying to say the world is spherical
"Threaten with all things dead . . . " ~Mike or Trevor's translation of the "Aeneid"
"Hobbits are mean!" ~Trevor, talking about Savannah
"Here's a tip for everyone: If you're going to lean back in a chair, don't hold on to something with wheels!"
~Jojo
"Is Argentina shiny?" ~Justin, I think
"I'd like some scotch and water on the rocks, hold the scotch." ~Lindsey
"Plumbum is in my pencil!" ~Someone in Chemistry
"Have you ever played with muratic acid?" ~Justin in Chemistry
"Savannah, you need to fix your hearing." "What?" ~Trevor and Savannah
"Did you hear about the Titanic?" "It sank." ~Jack and Mrs. Hazard
"Who wants my fruitcake?" ~Matt
"I don't have ten fingers!" ~Holly, doing Madelyn's hair
"I want to get a manicure. You know, just to see what it's like." ~Jack
"Madelyn, I just deflated your pen." "Now, THAT'S something you don't hear every day!" ~Holly I think,
and Jack
"This is not a cup. This is a bowl pretending it's a cup." ~Claire B., not Me (Hey, that rhymes!)
"I think I want to be a chef when I grow up."
"You do?"
"No." ~Maria (or Allison) and Me
"Come on, Thomas, put your blindfold on." "But I can't see!" ~One of the Leaders and Thomas McC.
"Close, but no cigar." "I don't want a cigar! I don't smoke! I want my bonus points!" Mrs. Hazard
and Me
"Consistency: the hobgoblin of little minds." ~Mrs. Hazard
"Ah! Friends!" ~Ruth Ann
"I bite my tongue at you!" ~Madelyn
"Et tu, Herbert!" ~Jack
"My boxers have flags on them!" "I'll take your word for that!" ~Jack and Mrs. Hazard
"They're coming to take me away, hee hee, ha ha, hoo hoo!" ~Mrs. Hazard
"Well, happy FREAKING birthday!" ~Kristy
"As much as I like you, Omar, I don't want you in my lap." ~My bus driver to one of her riders
"Hey Claire, is it hot in here, or is it just you?" ~Todd, trying out some pick up lines
"Isn't it fun to watch us little kids?" ~Me
"Can ya hook me up with some digits?" ~Brady
"Okay, is this whole matrix thing confusing anyone else?" "Huh? Oh, I wasn't paying attention." ~Colin
and Me (not in that order, but it's gotta be grammatically correct or I'd be a hypocrite) in Algebra II
"There is a young, thin, muscular body underneath all this flab." ~Pat
"Walmart at two a.m. trying to put Reese's peanut butter cups on layaway is funny!" ~Lindsey
"Let's go pick up some Aussie chicks!!!!" Colin and Michael (I find it sad that they have to go clear to another
country to find girls that won't scream and run at the sight of them)
"You should probably spray Lysol on those tests, Mrs. Hazard!" ~Jack, after Mrs. Hazard has coughed up a lung not
two feet away from the tests she's about to give us
"My hands smell like tuna." ~Colin (boy, everyone was pretty stinky today)
"I smell, like, dirty, smelly feet!" ~Holly (I would personally omit the first two commas)
"It's like applesauce!" ~Holly
"I need to buy some more heroine." ~Colin
"Is the test gonna be harder?" "No. It'll be more difficult." ~Mr. Naegele and some poor student
"I'm trying to confuse you to get you thinking!" ~Mr. Naegele
"What do dead people have?? <long silence> ENERGY!!!" ~Mr. Naegele talking about fossil fuel
"That's because you're a pansy!" ~Jack
"I'm tape impaired." ~Me
"I like myself." ~Michael
"It sounds like you're going to cough up some small animal." ~Timm
"Aloof, aloof, aloof is on fire!" ~Everyone trying to get Kristen to pronounce the word right
"I think the friar has pent-up anger because he's sexually frustrated." ~Gabriel
"I am a pretty piece of flesh!" ~Dustin
"That which we call a nose by any other name could still smell!" ~Me
"I am a saucy boy." ~Greg
"He went anon, anon, anon, anon . . . " ~Ryan
"There is NO stress in here!!!" ~Megan
"And you can't do anything about it, scum bag!!" ~Brady
"I like kitties. Kitties are nice." ~Brady
"Can you believe they sold all the fund raiser Snickers bars? Now what am I going to have for lunch?" ~Brent
"Doug is a future Playboy model." ~Malcom (you don't want to know)
"You guys seriously have no life." ~Michael
"I would love to hear a phone book talk!" ~Justin
"Heehee, my plan is devious!" "No!! I hate-you!!" "I hate you too!!" "Sheesh, you
guys sound like some old, low-budget Kung Fu movie!" ~Colin and Brady playing Spit, with Me commenting
"Well, MY plan is EVILE!!" ~Michael
"My plan is very devious." ~Brady and Colin
"Ruth Ann scares me." ~Doug
"All right, where's my fork?" ~Dannielle
"409 smells good!" ~Grant
"I need some Scooby-Doo makeup!" ~Doug
"I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at the table!" ~Me
"I have dolphin chunks in my teeth." ~Jack (don't even ask)
"Paper free is the way to be!" ~Erin
"In a perfect world, there would be no air." ~Mr. Naegele
"You know who I hate? Jewish Nazis." ~Wren, or maybe it was Doug. I forget.
"Jello is alive." ~Lisa
"Filth-encrusted camels." ~Alix
"I'm not a reindeer. I'm a human being!" ~Ashley
"Me, the muffin man, and my killer potatoes control the universe!" ~Wren
"A potato ate my sister." ~Wren
"You know, Malcom screaming in pain is a really nice sound." ~Michael
"Wind: the miracle of life." ~Chris
"Cream cheese is pretty." ~Natalie
"I need a pad." ~Doug
"I was born a blonde, I will die a grey." ~Felicia (yes Dannielle, I stole this from your site, but I thought it
was funny)
"Stephan Hawking's like the smartest guy alive and you've got the IQ of bread and you're making fun of him?!" ~Jared
"Fw equals G times m1 times m2 over r scared." ~Mr. Naegele
"There ain't nothin' wrong with my English!" ~Brady
"Kiss my ever-loving Cream of Wheat!!" ~Me
"Kiss my ever loving grits!" ~Ruth Ann
"This sounds like a drunken horse." "What does a drunken horse sound like?" ~Various Orchestra Members
"Did you just yell at me in Latin?" ~Kacey
"Hola. Me llamo BOB." ~Me
"If you do, I'm gonna shoot you!!" ~Rufas (I guess I just gave that next one away, oops)
"I've lost Stevan! How do you lose something that big?" ~Anonymous, cause she'll shoot me if I tell her name
"If I wasn't a pascifist, I'd hurt you. Wait a minute. I'm not a pacifist." WHACK!! ~Me
"Yale Sard." ~Colin's *ahem* YARD SALE sign
"If I could move, I'd slap you." ~Me
"I'm giving up Lent for Lent." ~Dad
"I'm not a ray of sunshine. I'm a pit of EVILEness!!" ~Michael (no, that's not a typo, he said evILE)
"And Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord!" ~Meagan's and Brent's relative (I forgot the guy's name, but he
said this during an outdoor activity and it started raining, and when we read that in Sunday school they started giggling,
which I found amusing, which is why it's on here)
"If you kill me, I'm gonna press charges!" ~Jack
"I'm not a ray of sunshine. I'm a pit of blackness." ~Michael
"Good morning, my little ray of sunshine." ~Anna and Me and John (actually, it was them who started it)
"You don't get candy for calling people crackheads." ~Doug
"Ride that log, yee-hah!" ~Dannielle
"Crunchy monkeys!!" ~Dannielle
"Facere factus (-fect, -fy) make do produce!!!!" Mrs. Hazard
"Todd the Shrubber!" "Roger the Shrubber!!" "TODD the Shrubber!!!" "ROGER the Shrubber!!!!"
~Meredith and Lauren, arguing about the Shrubber in Monty Python's Holy Grail (It really was Roger, btw)
"Stop looking at me!!" ~Keri
After a fifteen-minute explanation of a question in Integrated Science, Ashley says, "Well, obviously!"
"You can take my test points, but you can never take my freedom!" ~Jack
"I think you should be a papaya." ~Meagan
"Brent Moment!!" ~Sister Cope and Everyone in Seminary
"I'm a utensil!!" ~Ruth Ann
"Why do you have reimbursements on your neck?" ~Ashley
"This is el retardo." ~Jack
"Ewww, food just came out of your braces!!" ~Andrew
"I am fighting a desperate urge to giggle madly." ~Me
"Brent Elizabeth Dove!!" "Colin Beaker Hansen!!" ~Sister Cope
"I don't know how that music's supposed to go, it doesn't say." "Okay, we'll call Rogers and Hammerstein and
ask them!" "Field trip to the graves!!!" ~Danielle A. and Various Orchestra Members
"Wow, that was festive." ~John P.
"Give us back our soccer team or we'll be really mad and stuff!!" ~Natalie
"Did someone spike your cheese?" ~Dannielle
"Poco ritard!!" ~Becca, while poking someone (nobody but music peeps will get that one)
"Hey mon, you got some tacos?" ~Dannielle and Malcom
"This has demonized fingerings!" ~Alto Saxophonist in Orchestra
"Your hair looks like Chung Li!" ~a very strange guy who sits behind me in Latin
"I need a four-bedroom car!" ~Sister Cope
"I feel lost like a puppy in a subway." ~Jack
"Hey mon, yo quiros unos tacos?!" ~Malcom (Translation: Hey mon, you got some tacos, in Spanish)
"How do you OVERkill something? It's either dead or it's not!" ~Jack
"Hey, can I have a mint, Jack?" "No, sorry, we're all out of Mint-Jacks!" ~Jerred and Jack
"TRADE!!!" ~Everybody who had World History 3rd Period last semester
" . . . then i will declare war on . . . Great Britain!" "That is no concern of mine, I'M the King of ENGLAND!!"
~Theresa and Austin
"Go play with your own frog!" ~Tony
"What you say is what you are, Loser!" ~Allison
"And for after-dinner entertainment, we're going to feed Claire flan and watch her pull faces!" ~Dad
"Yo staindin' own a hahv o' fahr ain'ts!" (Translation: You're standing on a hive of fire ants, as said by a Southerner
with a tongue ring)
"Last night I had dinner with French people, and they were FROM FRANCE!!!" ~Betsy
"Your basement smells yummy." ~Me
"Christmas trees are deadly." ~ Anna
"I like chocolate meat." ~ Alix
"I'm a freak, you're a freak, teach me your freakish ways." ~Spencer
"Normal people worry me." ~Meredith
"You almost missed the ritual pulling of the cheese!!" ~Elaine
"I wonder how many attempts have been made on Martha Stewart's life? I mean, she probably has bodyguards, and they're
only allowed to wear color coordinated clothing . . ." ~Me
"If my face turns blue, take this hat off me!" ~Ryan
More coming as soon as you guys say more weird things!
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